Story One
🎧 Feel free to listen to me narrate the stories here 🎧
We had been making love for a little while but something felt strange. It was all loving and the touching felt wonderful. However, once he was inside of me, it was like his vajra* was… well… kinda dead. It felt more like a dildo than something that was alive and connected to a man.
He was gently moving his hips into me seemingly unaware that something didn’t seem right.
“Ummm… what are you thinking about?”, I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, something feels different. It’s like I can’t feel your vajra. I can feel like he’s there but it’s like he has no energy or something.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
With this, he pulled out and lay beside me seeming kind of dejected.
So, I started talking. “When I realized it was different, the idea came into my head to ask you what you’re thinking about. Is there something you’re thinking about?”
“No. Not really.”
“Hmmm. That’s weird. I wonder what it is then.”
We lay a few inches apart not touching each other. Strangely, it didn’t feel right to snuggle up to him, so I just kept a little distance.
We lay there for a few minutes before he said, “Well, actually something happened at work today that is really bugging me. But I didn’t want to think about it now because I’m here with you.”
A few moments went by and he said, “And my ex called to talk about one of our kids and she really pissed me off. That’s kind of bugging me.”
We just lay there and breathed together for a while.
“Maybe you should talk about them. It seems like they’re in the room anyway and not letting you focus on anything else.”
So, he lay on his back and shared the stories. Hands waving, he talked about how angry and frustrated he was, how there was nothing that he could do, and it was driving him crazy. I said little things here and there, but mostly it was all him.
Soon, it seemed like the air had cleared. There was nothing more to say and no more emotions to be let loose. We simultaneously took a deep breath, exhaled and turned to look at each other.
His eyes were a little sparkly as he looked at me and smiled. He pulled me closer and in no time flat, he was inside of me again and his vajra was fully alive, present, and feeling amazing!
*Sanskrit for thunderbolt
Story Two
It was one of those passionate Sunday afternoons. We’d been able to sleep in, enjoy coffee together, go out for breakfast, chillax for a while, and then head upstairs for a little “nap”.
As soon as we roused from our nap, immersed in the wonderful energy of each other, we were totally ready to have some fun.
The kissing was passionate. The touch was passionate. Everything was so full of energy, that all we had to do was go along with whatever our bodies were doing. We were both just riding the wave of something incredible.
At one point, he was deep inside of me while I lay on my back and the pleasure was just wonderful. I was totally relaxed, receiving him completely, and he was ALL IN, enjoying every second like it was the first time he’d ever been inside of a woman.
All of a sudden, there was a whole new energy coming out of his vajra. It was like the electricity had just been turned up and my pleasure was increasing with every thrust. He wasn’t doing anything particularly different and it wasn’t like we were having any kind of deep tantric experience. We were really just fucking (although we like to call it love-fucking). But the feeling!! OMG. It was like his vajra was plugged into something!
I looked at him wide-eyed and said, “What are you thinking about right now?”
He smiled and said, “Do you really want to know?”
“YES!”, I panted.
“I fucking love your breasts. Your body drives me crazy. I was actually thinking about tying you up and just having my way with you.”
“Mmmmm… I see. Well, keep thinking about it. Go wherever you want to go because it is making your dick insanely electric.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah. I can barely handle it… But I want to! So, don’t stop!”
And he didn’t stop. Sometimes he closed his eyes and the amperage went higher and higher. Then he’d open his eyes and have the biggest smile on his face because he could feel what it was doing to me!
Normally, I wouldn’t think that playing out a fantasy would be a good thing… but at that moment, I couldn’t have cared less. The energy lighting me up was truly from out of this world and I wanted to experience every second of it!
It’s interesting how we often imagine that our thoughts are different than our bodies. We imagine that our thoughts are in our brains and our genitals are “way down there”. Sure, it’s easy to imagine that our thoughts affect our mood which affects how sexy we’re feeling. But what if our thoughts are actually IN our genitals and they are what we are sharing with each other?
This is a painting of the nervous system by the incredible artist Alex Grey. One of the ideas that we have is that each nerve is independent of the others - that perhaps the nerves going to our fingers feel something very different than the nerves going to our kidneys. Or maybe we think that the nerves that make up our brain are different than the nerves that light up our genitals.
But what if we’re wrong? What if our nervous system is a single unit? Perhaps the electricity that flows through us actually flows through every nerve at the same time. Imagine what happens when you stub your toe. Your entire body flinches in pain. Or what about when someone you’re attracted to touches your shoulder and a ripple of excitement flows through your entire body?
Orgasm is considered to primarily happen in the nervous system. Yes, the genitals and erogenous zones are the active participants. But it is the nervous system that is actually excited and making the magic happen. And, in tantric intimacy, we talk about creating orgasmic states where the entire nervous system is humming.
Hmmmm…
Now, let’s imagine that we include our brain in the equation. Our brain is white and grey matter just like the nerves that run through our genitals. If the whole system flows with the same energy, it suddenly becomes really important what we’re thinking about while making love. We soon realize that whatever we’re thinking is literally the energy that we are sharing with our partner (both parties).
It brings us back to the meaning of the word “intimacy”. Intimacy is so much more than procreative sex. There is a very different energy when someone simply wants to get pregnant or get off. In intimacy, we open ourselves to each other. We share who we are - mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Story One asks us to find the balance of how much to share about what is in our minds when we want to make love. We don’t want to be in the habit of ranting and bringing negativity into the bedroom. But we also need to be honest if we are distracted by something else. Maybe we are so distracted that being present to make love (or do anything else) isn’t possible. Or maybe we just need to get it off of our chests, clear the air, and then focus 100% on our wonderful partner.
Story Two lets us play with the power of what excites us. To explore how thinking about fantasy affects the energy of our genitals is one way for sure. But, there are ways that bring us even closer in the moment. You can simply hyper-focus on some aspect of your partner that really turns you on.
For me, if he is supporting himself with his hands while we are making love, and my hand finds its way to his flexed bicep, my entire yoni starts to vibrate with excitement. The more I feel that powerful bicep, the more my body lights up and shudders. He might fixate on my breasts or lips or curves and this will drive him absolutely wild.
What an incredible adventure to bring our minds into the picture in order to amp up the juice! To consciously hyper-focus our minds on the sexiness of our partner! To dive into our deep fantasies and let our forbidden passions play in our minds, driving our partner’s body crazy with pleasure!
Here are some quotes about the power of the mind that are truly fun to think about in our new context!
“We could live several lifetimes and never exhaust the power of our minds.” ~ Denis Hachey
“Our minds perform magic all the time.” ~ Robert A.F. Thurman
“Focused mind power is one of the strongest forces on earth.” ~ Mark Victor Hansen
“A man is but the product of his thoughts.
What he thinks, he becomes.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
“The powers of the mind are like the rays of the sun.
When they are concentrated, they illumine.” ~ Swami Vivekananda
“Intelligence entails a strong mind, but genius entails a heart of a lion
in tune with a strong mind.” ~ Criss Jami
I’m so jealous of your partner. 😊
This was a fascinating article on the connections between mind and body. Thank you Katrina for your magical words that feed my soul.
With increasing awareness,
Sallie